Choosing your friends wisely... Who is inner your circle??q

"A person cannot live the right life with the wrong friends."  My pastor is doing a series on relationslips. I felt the message was God confirming what I had already learned the hard way. When I moved to Florida,  I had no friends here. This place has probably been one of the most difficult places I have ever lived because it was so hard to make the right friends. I wanted to be accepted by my peers so bad that I began doing stuff out of character for me. The people I hung out with bad mouthed others and then they would act like their best friend the next day. I thought high school was dramatic, but I sometimes wished I could go back to my high school. My high school peers were more considerate of me. I was never bullied in high school and everyone in my high school spoke to me.
      As a young  person, I have always disliked cliques. I feel like so many people let cliques or others define them and where they  going in life. After listening to my pastor's message, your friends do rub off on you and help shape you as a person.  Please choose wisley who hang out with because unfortunately you do become a product of those people you hang out with.
    A brief synopsis of what happen to me with these so called "friends", I tried so hard to be well liked that I would jump through leaps and bounds for these people. These girls would gossip about another co- worker and I would listen and I would sometimes join in the conversations. I always hated myself for joining in the conversation. It is so hard to be different when you are trying to fit in with the wrong crowd.  I unfortunately learned the hard way about who is true friend and how is not your true friend. I made a mistake that I will honestly regret the rest of my life. I was told to keep quiet about a certain situation and I opened my mouth.  The person found out about it and I literally felt my heart sink to my knees. I called my mother and I spoke to person I had talked too. My mother told me to stay silent and to see how things played out. Another one of my trusted friends who knew the situation told me to keep quiet. I unfortunately let it slip to a person I trusted or who I thought was a true friend and she stabbed me in the back. She went and told another girl who in turn went around to everyone saying stuff about me.  Yes I made a mistake, but I am only human. I felt so bad and these girls made me feel worse about myself. To me I felt like, they were treating me like I had committed a murder and I was not coming forward to confess.  Satan used this and played into my insecurties. I approach the girl I thought was my true friends, and I tried to get coffee with her. I even told her one time I felt we needed to clear the air. She kept brushing me off.  I have never felt so hated in my whole life. Luckily the Lord was in process of replacing these girl with people who truly cared about me down here. I started attending church more regularly and I started attending Bible study. I am so thankful for the one person who kept reaching out to me. I was in dark place that most people have no idea. I was severely depressed where I would lay on my couch for days on end. I would eat one meal a day. Meanwhile trapped in my own personal dark hole, the Lord was still reaching out. I just choose to be stubborn. I was under alot of stress financially, family issues, and now friend/work issues. It all came crashing down and  thankfully I figured out what was wrong with me! I was not losing my mind and I was not crazy. I had a thyroid issue. Even though those girls intended to do evil to me, the Lord turned into good.
    Without the bulling, I would have never went to doctor and I would have kept suffering in silence. I have now seen how broken these girls are and my heart breaks for them. I want the best for everyone and I think everyone deserves the best in life. To make peace with my bullies, I wrote letters apologizing for my actions. I have peace with the situation and it no longer has control over me.  This does not mean that my feelings still do not get hurt. I was really close with one of these girls, and I still weep over hurting her and hurting our friendship. Over the last two months, the Lord has provided girls who accept me for me! I don't have to earn their love and respect. My new theme songs are Shake it off by Taylor swift and Let it Go from Frozen. I love "shake it off" it reminds me that i have song in my heart telling it is going to be okay and those haters do not see that music in my heart! "Let it go",  I love this song because it reminds me to let go of all my fears and insecurities. I don't have to hide my true self  to be accepted by people. I can be me and people can like me or not like me. I am done letting what people think of me define me. The only one who defines me is my creator, Jesus Christ. He has healed my heart of all of insecruties.

Friends or not to be friends

Random thoughts before bed...
Why is at that some people always come in last place? How is that a person who you consider a true and best friend have no idea what has been transpiring over the last three months?? Is it that they don't care or is it that don't want to be burdened?? Is it that I am to sensitive?? do I expect too much from people? On second thought... I don't need to look to mere humans to satisfy a deep longing to be loved. I am loved by my creator! He created the stars who shine so bright at night. He has me engraved on the palm of His hand! I am His handiwork. I honestly believe that we go though trials to refine us and burn away the tarnished parts. Over the last several months, I have lost some people that I thought were my friends.. I am afraid some of my closest college friends are about to join that list. I am just tired of treating other people like gold and feeling like a doormat in return! Me and my creator have been having some hearts to hearts over this.. Then I am reminded that one of Jesus's very own disciples betrayed Him!  

Stress

Oh where to begin, I am not sure... I guess I will start with my journey by telling a brief synopsis of the last six weeks of my life. I am a nurse and my job is not always the easiest. Six weeks ago or so I unfortunately witness the worst thing I ever seen in my whole life. I can not say anymore details due to laws and protection for the patients. The same week I had some co- workers treat me unfairly. I felt like I was living in hell literally. I had not slept well in about a weeks because of stress. Stress is really not good for your health because I started having physical symptoms at work. One night, I was sent home. I went to the ER and pinkie promised ED doc I would make an appointment with my primary to get blood tests ran. I called my primary and got appointment that day. So  as I said earlier I am nurse, I work night shift. My primary stated that could see me at 10am. I feel asleep and woke up to my alarm going off. I just put on some comfortable clothes. Well as I am driving over the bridge, I start freaking out literally. I start calling people because I didn't wanted to be admitted to the hospital. My family lives 6 hours away. After calling several people, a trainer from my gym came. I go and see the doctor, let me preface that I can't walk straight because I am dizzy, my BP was increased, eyes were sensitive to light, and I was nauseated. My doc has colors on the outside of the rooms, let me just say red does not mean good. She sent me to get a head ct done stat. Thankfully my head was fine. I got some meds and it was 3 pm before I got home. I had worked all night and been up all day. My mom is on the way from Georgia by this time. I feel into deep sleep before she got there.  Mom gets there and she can't get to answer my phone or my door!! It takes about a solid 10 minutes for me to wake up.....

Goals for 2015

Here goes nothing....
I have a lot of things on mind as of late! The Lord has given me some new visions and new goals! I know now that I want to go back to school and do a duel degree program in masters in public health and masters in nursing. I want to get my degree at UAB! I also know I want to open an orphanage in 10 years or so! I want to do travel nursing for a year or so. My goal is to visit all 50 states!!  For the next two years, I want to get out of debt! No more credit cards! Study for the GRE! While I am doing things, I want to become more involved in my church and start giving back to my community! I also want to read the whole Bible this year! I also want to get involved with thyroid awareness! I feel like so many people are suffering and the practitioners just give them medications to treat symptoms and not find out why people have those symptoms! I know medicine is not easy and a lot of medicine is trial and error! I just wish more practitioners would take time to do research and run some blood tests! Anywho just ramblings from me today!